THE DUMP

SEPTEMBER 3RD, 2025

READ TIME - as long as it takes

SILLY CANNONBALLS 2

REFRAMING FAILURE ON TWO WHEELS

As I contemplated how best to tell the story of fatherhood through Silly Cannonballs, “physical potential” kept poking it’s finger into my ribs and questioning if I’ve ever truly experienced the pinnacle of mine, and if that should be a part of the tale.

Maybe it’s toxic masculinity, maybe it’s natural . . . maybe it’s Maybeline . . . but regardless, there’s always been this link between my maximal physical exertion and my worthiness as a man/dad, and I couldn’t shake the need to include something that explored that burden through this documentary.

I’ve played hockey since I was four, and truth be told I’ve always felt a bit of shame and remorse for not “going anywhere with it.”

I played D3 club in College, and that’s the level I hung the skates up.

For me, those what-ifs have tended towards a negative self image. They drag me into woe, and berate my ability to “be.” And as I’ve mentioned before, those bad thoughts infect my capability to parent well.

It’s not healthy :)

I’ve worked to combat those scaries, and I’ve mostly succeeded in rooting them out, however there still exists that wonder if I’ve ever actually accomplished something physical that I can hang my hat on as a monumental achievement.

March of this year I bought a used road bike.

I call her Silver, like Bill Denbrough’s bike in IT for obvious reasons.

She’s a Cannondale CAAD frame (not sure the year) with a bunch of components I’m not qualified to explain to you, because I’m Bambi at this sport. I know a lot of them are carbon fiber, and I can pick up the bike with one hand, straight armed like I’m doing a front shoulder raise.

It’s wild.

There’s a small climb just 10 minutes from my house in a golf course that STRAVA has named “The Golf Climb.” It’s 3/4mi long, 5.6-6% grade, and the current KOM time is 2:36 by some dude name Rafal Toka. His average speed was 17.5mph on that attempt.

My first ever time was 6:12 on March 21st. You can do the math.

At 36 years old, the chances of me making it to the NHL are slim to none (never say never?), so what can I do now that has some kind of impossibility associated with an exertion of force and a challenge to test my ultimate physical potential?

I’ll let the cat out of the bag, it’s not getting 2:35 on this climb haha. At least not right now.

But it is to get 3:30.

. . . so I’ve been sprinting up this effing hill over and over again chasing that time. I’ve filmed 9 of my efforts (since starting the documentary), however I have 41 total thus far at the writing of this.

SO HOW DOES THIS FIT INTO THE OVERALL STORY?

I honestly didn’t know how it was going to fit into the story when I started filming the efforts. There are enough workout inspiration videos out there, and I’m not even close to ripped enough to be that guy.

Also, I’m not a seasoned cyclist, so doing some sort of long-trip cycling video was out of the cards as well - and there’s a guy name VC Adventures that does a great job of this already.

As I contemplated, I decided a couple of weeks ago to collect my thoughts about the doc as a whole, and one of the ways I find the best space to think is on a long drive where I can zone for a bit. So I hopped in my truck and headed up 285 towards Conifer and recorded an hour long voice note (read: I talked to myself for a long time).

I clipped one of my DJI mics to the seat belt, pressed the rec button, and just rattled off stream of thought to try and get a good 30K foot handle on what I believe might be the arc of the story.

I took that audio file and transcribed it on Premiere so I could rummage through the script with highlighters (like I did with my dad’s interview) making connections and drawing out topical ideas.

Here’s what I came up with for this subplot of Silly Cannonballs:

Effort over effort of not reaching my goal, yet inching closer and closer reframes this idea of failure and how that story is ultimately written into my children.

It’s not profound, it’s nothing new, however it’s my immediate version of the “honest and real.” It’s doing the work. *ACTUALLY doing the work and seeing the result.

Each attempt begins with a decision to go for it.

A minute or so in I hit the first switchback and my lungs start to give me the side eye.

From there I have to lie to my legs that everything is going to be alright.

Soon enough they find out I’m untrustworthy as I start the final ascent pedaling next to the old folks in golf carts on their way to tee off at the hole at the top.

I plead with my legs to keep pumping, keep pedaling as my heart pounds threatening an escape through my chest like a Xenomorph spawn.

Then I crest over the false summit and beg of my quads one more sprint to the end of the route just 40 feet ahead with only 10 feet of vertical climb left.

When I cross the invisible finish line I’m always out of breath, heaving and sometimes cussing, but I have yet to end an effort mad that I did it.

And THAT’s the reframe I’m after.

Full gas. Burning chest. Cooked legs. And a thankfulness that one more time I was able to send it as hard as I can up a stupid hill chasing a time that doesn’t even crack the top 10, so I can ride up to my garage, hang the bike, walk in the door and see my two kids still in their jammies watching Paw Patrol.

So far, I’ve been able to tell them I’m increasing my PR and getting closer and closer - and I know two things about each of those failures to reach the goal:

1. My kids are seeing me try, and try damn hard. They’ll remember that I think, somewhere in their subconscious. They’ll remember daddy doing something hard over and over, failing, but trying again.

2. My tank is drained, which fills me with endorphins, which leads to better parenting. It’s science. And I’ll be Bill Nye if it means seeing my children smile more.

This side-quest is still evolving for me, so maybe the plot will twist at some point, but nevertheless the work is getting done.

THE PUDDING:

I have filmed all of my attempts on a 360cam attached to the bike, but I needed some good establishing B-Roll to reeeaaalllyyyy capture the beauty of this ride.

It is, in fact, very beautiful, even though I’m trying not to throw up the entire time.

Over the course of 3 different days I filmed myself hitting the climb from every angle that captured the entirety. It took 3 different days because I was shooting during morning golden hour, I needed all the shots to match the time of day, and turns out it’s a lot more time consuming shooting yourself riding a bike than I initially estimated.

I’d set the camera up, find the shot, press record, head down the hill, do a couple takes for safety, and move on to the next. Each shot bloated to around 15 minutes, and with only about a solid hour of the “right” light, I had to spread the production out.

On the last day I wanted to get some CU detail shots of the pedals and the shift paddle. In order to do that, I rigged a C-Stand arm off the top tube of the bike using a cardellini clamp and a baby pin that I was able to secure the camera with.

Many people looked at me weird that day. 😅

What you’re invited to watch below is my “dailies cut” of the footage from all 3 days.

In big productions that shoot over a period of time, it’s common for directors to request (or edit) dailies of the footage from that day - a cut of everything together to make sure it works, to make sure the scenes have that correct timing or the correct performances, and the best execution.

I cut together the angles I captured into a little sequence, threw some music underneath, and gave a little polish to make sure the foundation of the section would work.

In my mind I’m watching it with my imagination as well as my eyes. I know there will be some added animations with route maps and statistics popping up here and there, and I’m hearing a VO underneath the footage adding context and drama.

For you, you’re just gonna see some pretty shots.

But, I think it’s cool nonetheless, and I hope you do too. Enjoy!

brb,
Sean

I’m having a really good time making this film, thank you for being a part of it.

The ‘making of’ approach with this newsletter is super exciting to me, I love sharing the BTS of my approach and letting you in on how I’m crafting everything.

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